Well the pubs are all closed and it’s time to hit the sack
But Johnny’s feeling peckish so he’ll stop to have a snack
He likes the admiration that he gets from the gals
When he enters the kingdom of the Doner kebab
When they stop and whisper look who’s back
Who’s that dude well it’s Johnny Two Kebabs
He orders two Doners with a helping of chips
He piles on the sauce and he starts to lick his lips
The lager gives him a fierce appetite It’s like he don’t chew
The first one’s gone in three bites with the first one down
He looks a little sad, who’s that dude well it’s Johnny two kebabs
He picks up the second one and looks to both sides
Everyone is watchin’ as his mouth it opens wide
He don’t say nothing he just concentrates on getting it down at an incredible rate
How does he do it how come he doesn’t gag
It’s trade secret of Johnny two kebabs
Aaah, it’s like they disappeared in a vanishing trick
He opens his mouth as though he’s gonna get sick
There’s a smell of Lager and decomposing lamb but he lights a cigarette
With a rock steady hand how does he do it how come he doesn’t gag
who’s that dude well it’s Johnny two kebabs